Verum Vulnero “The Truth Hurts”

“What is truth?” Pontius Pilate asked Jesus this question before washing his hands and ordering Jesus’ crucifixion. I have often pondered this piece of scripture, especially during the Lenten season because the outcome had far more reaching consequences than any human mind could have fathomed at the time. If there is any sense to be made of this then we must look upon our own lives’ for answers. Each of us derives meaning from several sources including formal education, personal experience and from what we glean from our own spiritual pursuits; but what of truth?

We have all been reminded by parents, teachers, coaches and friends that “the truth hurts.” Whether it comes in the form of a life lesson derived from a particular relationship or through mistakes we have made and must make amends or accept as irreversible; life is filled with these difficult to fathom truths. In my own life this could be no less explained than from the fact that my wife of nineteen years is divorcing me. While I am becoming more and more accepting of the idea, the fact remains that there are far more dire circumstances at stake than simply the ending of a marriage. With two teenage sons to consider, I am torn by the fact that they must deal with the pain that has resulted from largely my own failings and imperfections as a mortal man. And so we must look at the uncertainties of truth as well as the absolute.

I have been accused according to a legal term of: “gross neglect of duty” in my marriage, a charge that is highly suspect and lends itself to some kind of explanation. The truth part comes into play as the question of intent, which by law in my state does not need to be proven. The truth is that I lost faith in myself, the system and the God in which I grew up with and learned to turn to in time of need. On the other hand, I neglected to meet the needs of my spouse and to our marital vows; that is how I have come to understand the charges as they have been explained to me.  And because I failed to make amends or “change”, the marriage is deemed irreconcilable. If that is not an example of the hurt of truth, then perhaps a little further digging is required.  

I never intended to neglect my wife nor cause her any emotional harm because of what has been assumed as selfishness on my part. The truth is I fed on guilt, shame and the unworthiness I felt at having failed to provide for my family in a manner up to a standard largely undefined. I never sought to file for a dissolution, divorce or decree ending the marriage, and I certainly never intended to purposely divide our family by such means. The real hurt comes as I somehow still believe in my heart that miracles can and do happen. What I cannot accept is that my other half is somehow unwilling to examine our marital vows as pertaining to her in any of the grossly intentional actions she has committed towards the marriage and our family. That my friends is for the court and God to judge which is precisely my point: “verum vulnero.” The truth really does hurt.