Packing

Have you ever felt like it was time to pack it in; that all of your efforts, emotional, physical and spiritual have all been in vain? Well, that is exactly the way I feel today. It is like I have been misunderstood for so long that I have started to question my own mission and purpose in life. It is to the point where prayer, counseling or sharing a few feelings with a trusted friend does not cut it anymore. I am like a deaf, dumb and blind man groping in the dark to find meaning in a game of pin ball. The words, actions and deeds of a lifetime just seem to bounce around each other, finally ending up in the gutter down below the glitter of lights and ringing of bells. I find myself alone this morning longing for one last chance to make things right. What else do I stand to lose?

Words can only describe so much, right? Well, I find great comfort in sitting quietly behind this keyboard clicking out a few thoughts that do not come out right as I try to speak them. “Tongue tied’ might be the correct analogy, but somehow the act of combining silent thought with physical effort brings out the essence of my day to day life. One might say that writing is my lifeline or life preserver. The ship may be going down, but the will to survive is the source of buoyancy that keeps hope afloat.

I hope that someone reads this entry today and finds comfort in knowing that they are not alone and that there is another soul out there that just might understand them. All the plaques or diplomas on the wall cannot give true meaning or purpose in life if there is no acknowledgement behind the effort that it took to achieve them. You could say that I am at this very crossroads today bargaining with the devil to please make it all go away for a chance to start all over. I know this is not possible so pounding out a few random ideas seems to fit the bill for my troubled soul. As long as there is hope in the world there will be a way to make it through one more day within the maelstrom. God be with all those who struggle with the real storm raging along the coastline of our country and for those raging against their own inner storm.

Destined for Somewhere

I have had many things to think about and pray for over the past couple of months. Leading the way is a sense of profound gratitude for the simple things in life such as friendship, faith and opportunity. We are all presented with these wonderful gifts each and every day, but they all require attention and action. When they are left to ripen on the vine and go un-harvested, the result is a shriveled and rotting mess to be plowed under and left for the hope of next years’ crop. I am also reminded that there is little I can do alone without a sense of purpose and being involved in something greater than myself. For some, it is the purpose of raising a family, providing for a sick or elderly loved one or simply being involved in the community at large. These are all great and noble causes and I applaud every responsible parent, spouse and active servant; for we are all instruments of peace designed and formed in the image of a vessel that knows no limit or boundary when it comes to love. So, what is it that we cling to every day that determines the direction of our lives? What is it in particular that we notice in the common place comings and goings of a twenty four hour day?


Yesterday, I noticed a coyote crossing the road ahead of my car as I sped along a country road and shortly afterwards a doe and two of her yearlings jumping out into my path. If I had not been paying attention, the result would have been catastrophic; instead, I stopped and watched two determined animals continue on while the third scurried off too afraid to cross the road. I wonder how many times I have acted in this way and not proceeded as I originally intended. I wonder still how many times I have stopped by the roadside like a lone coyote and stared into the eyes of a passing stranger. The challenge is to first notice what is there in front of you and the second and most important is the next split second that determines the course of the rest of the day. Will you seek the opportunity and act, or will you simply pick from the dead remains of something left by the roadside to rot like a turkey buzzard does? That, by the way, was the third image from yesterday that still sticks in my mind. Like a vision quest I am determined and convinced that there is meaning and purpose in everything we do. Funny, how nature can remind us of things we normally might be completely oblivious to.

Finally, as I draw near to a conclusion; let these things resonate in your mind and heart: What is life presenting that requires attention? What are the things that provide opportunity and require an act of faith or simply the courage to proceed? Perhaps all of these things are just coincidences that have no particular meaning or maybe there are messages along the roadside that have gone unnoticed. For me, there is meaning everywhere and purpose abounds as long as I take the time to notice and proceed fully aware of the journey that gets me to my destination. What is your destination?