Packing

Have you ever felt like it was time to pack it in; that all of your efforts, emotional, physical and spiritual have all been in vain? Well, that is exactly the way I feel today. It is like I have been misunderstood for so long that I have started to question my own mission and purpose in life. It is to the point where prayer, counseling or sharing a few feelings with a trusted friend does not cut it anymore. I am like a deaf, dumb and blind man groping in the dark to find meaning in a game of pin ball. The words, actions and deeds of a lifetime just seem to bounce around each other, finally ending up in the gutter down below the glitter of lights and ringing of bells. I find myself alone this morning longing for one last chance to make things right. What else do I stand to lose?

Words can only describe so much, right? Well, I find great comfort in sitting quietly behind this keyboard clicking out a few thoughts that do not come out right as I try to speak them. “Tongue tied’ might be the correct analogy, but somehow the act of combining silent thought with physical effort brings out the essence of my day to day life. One might say that writing is my lifeline or life preserver. The ship may be going down, but the will to survive is the source of buoyancy that keeps hope afloat.

I hope that someone reads this entry today and finds comfort in knowing that they are not alone and that there is another soul out there that just might understand them. All the plaques or diplomas on the wall cannot give true meaning or purpose in life if there is no acknowledgement behind the effort that it took to achieve them. You could say that I am at this very crossroads today bargaining with the devil to please make it all go away for a chance to start all over. I know this is not possible so pounding out a few random ideas seems to fit the bill for my troubled soul. As long as there is hope in the world there will be a way to make it through one more day within the maelstrom. God be with all those who struggle with the real storm raging along the coastline of our country and for those raging against their own inner storm.

The River Rush

I have heard people speak of the excitement of white water rafting; I have experienced the runner’s high and known the cold darkness of despair. Some things we gather by way of our senses and others through the filter of our past experience or what we perceive to be the way to happiness.

What I think is missing sometimes is that we fail to slow ourselves down enough to really hear the river rush or follow the trail that leads to true happiness. We are simply too busy moving at the speed of life that there does not seem a moment to comprehend the purpose of what we are trying to accomplish. Matthew Kelly suggests that we focus too much on ourselves and fail to “see the forest through he trees” if you will. What he recommends is opening ourselves to the happiness of others and leaving the rest to God to fulfill, namely the pursuit of happiness.

Christmas is an opportunity as much as a problem for many of us, especially those who are jobless, homeless or lacking some other means to securing happiness. We equate having a steady income or a warm place to sleep with the idea that happiness is something we earn rather than something that occurs as a result of giving ourselves up to the will of God. I can tell you from experience, there is nothing more joyful than seeing the look in a child’s eyes and smile when you recognize them for the special person that they are and in turn see them offer themselves freely to help someone else. Now that is some powerful stuff!

For me, those moments of joy come when I go freely into the wilderness and sit quietly or walk amongst God’s creation. Even so, it adds more when I can share it with someone else who may not take the time to do so often enough. More than not I hear about sore feet or aching legs, but the more you go there, the less it seems a burden. So remember to listen to the sounds all around you and let God take you to that place where happiness awaits. Take care and God bless!