I spent a lot of time in my younger days just trying to fit in with the crowd. In grade school it seemed like I was the prey and a particular group of boys in my class a pack of wolves. There were days on the playground that were like a living hell. The pack quite literally surrounded me and persecuted me for whatever reason they could think of and then there were days when it was like I did not exist at all. By the time junior high school came around, I had learned how to camouflage myself by joining in with the pack as they turned to other ways to amuse themselves. I don’t know if it was because we lived in such a small town that boredom was the cause or the wonder lust of youth that tempted us to break the rules. Even my days as a Boy Scout there were moments when we really did not live by the Scout Oath or Law. In fact, thinking back, I am quite ashamed of some of the things I saw or participated in while away at camp. The point is that choices matter and now that I am older, people really do not change that much over time; they just change the rules of the game.
The challenge I face today is changing the perception I took so long to build as a young man. The wall of security that I thought would keep me from being devoured by the pack now threatens to undo the new me as a man in search of personal integrity. I don’t want to be that fly on the wall any more or the follower who goes along with the current trend. What I have found since becoming a Scout leader is that just because I stand up in front of a crowd does not mean that people see me or listen to what I have to say. In fact, it is like the sound of my voice goes in, rattles around for a bit and then gets lost in the background noise of daily distraction. This is especially true of my two sons, but then they are like I was back when and in search of their own identities. The problem now seems to be how to address the adults who seem to lose very quickly the message I am trying to get out. The problem is being seen and heard.
Some people might say that because I have been unemployed for such a long time begs that I get back to reality and get a life. Yes, it is true, scouting has taken up a lot of my time these past months and years, but it does not say how much I have learned about the person I am and that I might just be on to something that will change the world. Now that seems worth the effort! And so, today I pray for continued patience as I struggle to be seen and heard. To become the man I was meant to be and to challenge others to be more than another rat in the race of life. That it truly matters to stand out front and break the silence in a world so caught up in itself. And so, if any of this makes sense at all to you please go out and challenge what has become acceptable in your own corner of the universe. After all, change can be a good thing.
