Packing

Have you ever felt like it was time to pack it in; that all of your efforts, emotional, physical and spiritual have all been in vain? Well, that is exactly the way I feel today. It is like I have been misunderstood for so long that I have started to question my own mission and purpose in life. It is to the point where prayer, counseling or sharing a few feelings with a trusted friend does not cut it anymore. I am like a deaf, dumb and blind man groping in the dark to find meaning in a game of pin ball. The words, actions and deeds of a lifetime just seem to bounce around each other, finally ending up in the gutter down below the glitter of lights and ringing of bells. I find myself alone this morning longing for one last chance to make things right. What else do I stand to lose?

Words can only describe so much, right? Well, I find great comfort in sitting quietly behind this keyboard clicking out a few thoughts that do not come out right as I try to speak them. “Tongue tied’ might be the correct analogy, but somehow the act of combining silent thought with physical effort brings out the essence of my day to day life. One might say that writing is my lifeline or life preserver. The ship may be going down, but the will to survive is the source of buoyancy that keeps hope afloat.

I hope that someone reads this entry today and finds comfort in knowing that they are not alone and that there is another soul out there that just might understand them. All the plaques or diplomas on the wall cannot give true meaning or purpose in life if there is no acknowledgement behind the effort that it took to achieve them. You could say that I am at this very crossroads today bargaining with the devil to please make it all go away for a chance to start all over. I know this is not possible so pounding out a few random ideas seems to fit the bill for my troubled soul. As long as there is hope in the world there will be a way to make it through one more day within the maelstrom. God be with all those who struggle with the real storm raging along the coastline of our country and for those raging against their own inner storm.

Festering Wounds

I remember as a kid the many times when I went out to play and skinned a knee or elbow and ran home to have my mom make it better. Back then we spent long summer days riding our bicycles, exploring creek beds, fishing and swimming at the local lake or pool. It never failed then that we were prone to getting hurt once in a while as life is an adventure fraught with unforeseen perils. As a Boy Scout we were taught to ‘Be Prepared” for anything by first being aware that anything can happen. Mom knew this by instinct and always kept a plentiful supply of bandages and a bottle of mercurochrome handy just in case. The worst part was having the wound scrubbed out with soap and water while it was explained that if it got infected we could be in for a whole lot more like lock jaw or tetanus. Just the sound of them seemed to make the cleansing procedure a little easier to endure. Relationships can resemble in a similar way the idea of festering wounds, especially when our feelings get hurt, egos bruised or we do not get our need for love and understanding met by those closest to us.

In the dark recesses of our memories, we can all point out a time when someone hurt us with harsh words, an unkind gesture or made us the punch line of a joke. As we go along in life, those typical realities can become far more subtle as they are more likely to occur behind closed doors in the form of rumors or innuendo. False friends can become secret enemies as well as poor habits become a source of pain for the ones we love most. Neglecting a relationship founded on trust and bound by vows can be the most insidious form of festering wounds we can ever experience. The most difficult part can be simply realizing that we have hurt someone, albeit unintentional and then taking the steps necessary to start the healing process. Even though things appear alright on the outside, a closer look reveals the redness that surrounds the scabbed over wound and a gentle touch emits the unhealthy warmth of infection as the fight to remove the unwanted pathogen rages inside the body. Our hearts and minds can be just as vulnerable as our skin when it comes to being hurt emotionally. The most effective way to deal with these situations is to get them out into the open and allow the healing power of sincerity to scrub out the infection of guilt and pain. As they say, sometimes leaving the wound open to the air is the best way to promote healing as opposed to placing a bandage over it right away.

For me, recent events have taught these very lessons. Though painful to accept, I must take responsibility for the harm I have caused and the hidden wounds that have gone untreated. While I cannot heal a scar, I can be a force of healing for the existing hurts that have been scabbed over in more recent times. I have also found that regret can be a motivating factor rather than a point of contention used to block the healing process. As the saying goes; “You cannot un-ring a bell,” but you can silence the echo with effort, compassion and love. My hope is that more people will discover this incredible power of healing that they possess by just being human beings willing to face the reality of festering wounds. Why let them go when all it takes is love. It is the greatest gift from God that when freely given can change the world.

When a Tree Falls

You know the old saying: “If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? The same question applies to the saying about the bear, but I will not go there. The point I am trying to make is about the nature of silent suffering. Just because a person hides their emotions from the world does not mean that the feelings are not real or that they are not capable of feeling what others feel. I am that tree and I feel every leaf that turns when the season changes and I hear every subtle sound that each one makes as it gathers lifeless and beautiful upon the ground. Autumn has that effect as it reminds us of the cyclic nature of life and challenges those who appreciate its lesson that change is inevitable. We cannot keep the leaves from falling, but we can lessen the blow of the wind by seeking shelter in the closeness of the forest.

Family, friends and faith lead us on our journey in search of meaning. Marriage offers the opportunity to bind ourselves like a tiny atom to another to form an element essential for life to continue on in greater scale than one mere particle floating in space. Children are the by-product of this coming together and so the cycle continues for generation upon generation until the energy that first produced it fades into oblivion. Friends help put all of this into perspective as we share our common experiences and reflect a higher purpose other than mere survival. Faith gathers all of the known and unknown to form a sense of the spiritual flow common to all living things. It is this bonding nature of faith that propels us to greater meaning beyond this two dimensional space.

An example of this expanded notion of life exists in the growth rings of a tree. You cannot see them unless you cut down the tree or sever a branch from the trunk. When exposed, you can count the seasons or years when the tree experienced plentiful rainfall or drought conditions. The bark of the tree shows scarring from whatever occurrence damaged it like the initials of two young lovers who happened by and carved their affection for one another. Whatever the case, a tree heals itself by growing over the wound so that it may continue on living and what is left behind is a reminder of the injury. Again, I am a tree of complexity with once open wounds healed over with the seasons of time and one day I shall fall. And so the question remains: When I fall, will anyone be there to hear it? The answer is every human being’s philosophical challenge and legacy to the generations that follow.

When the Well Runs Dry

I learned by the example set by my father many years ago the meaning and process of work. Dad got up every morning before the crack of dawn, dressed himself in the kitchen so as not to wake my mom and headed off into the darkness to a GM foundry some thirty miles away. Usually, by three thirty in the afternoon or so he would return home, or because of overtime, we would not see him till later that night. And so this cycle repeated itself for decades until dad retired in 1992.

When I think about the choices I had to make at the end of high school, the last place I wanted to end up was in a dingy, dirty foundry where trading time for pay was an acceptable means to an end. With six kids to feed, clothe and send off to school every day, my dad had few other options but to sacrifice the best years of his life to a system that was known as “an honest living.” What I remember is that there were times I felt like I did not have a father because he missed so many of the events and special occasions in my life that were important. Not to sound like a bitter and resentful son, but somehow I knew deep down that there was a better way than being a slave to the time clock just to say at the end of the day that there was food on the table and the mortgage payment was up to date. There just had to be a better way than living life as though the well was running dry and the only system available was the “bucket brigade.”

When the well runs dry and the town needs water, where do people turn to meet their need? Traditional wisdom says that each man or woman picks up a bucket each day, makes their way to the river and brings back a portion of what is needed to fill the well. Day upon day, week upon week and year upon year this system is repeated and ingrained into the minds and generations of children who follow in the footsteps of their parents, until someone comes along who brings a whole new way to fill the well. In the spirit of innovation for which man is known for, this rare individual takes a long look at how things have been done and says to himself: “There must be a better way.”

The end result was probably one of the most significant feats of engineering and accomplishments of all time. The ancient Romans discovered that bringing water to the people through aqua ducts or pipelines was not only a more efficient way than simply hauling buckets, but it allowed for more time to come up with even more new ways of doing things. Now some built cities and towns closer to rivers or other bodies of water at the risk of flood and other perils that threatened life and property, but there remained those who thought in ways that accounted for such things and created lasting civilizations that thrive right up to the present day.

Our founding fathers were such innovators and thinkers who resolved to improve not only themselves, but the lives of others in their communities and nation as a whole. They refused to believe that life lived under royal decree was the best way to organize a nation. They saw freedom and liberty as a better way to encourage and inspire people to make a better life. They saw the need for laws and government as a means to organize society to protect people from tyranny and oppression, but not as a sole means to meet every need, but as a way to encourage individual responsibility and leadership at every level of society.

And so we return to the well once again to fill it with fresh ideas and an abundance of reliable information to feed the thirst of those who seek more time to spend with family and friends to build a greater sense of community and prosperity. This innovation throws out the time clock mentality of buckets and builds on the principle of pipelines where a continuous flow of water feeds the whole twenty four hours a day. If there were any gift a humble servant leader could give to others, it would be the gift of time, freedom and prosperity where families could thrive and communities come together. This is my hope through the LIFE Team approach and I invite all who have ever asked the question: “There must be a better way” to come aboard and take the wheel of change to new and brighter horizons.