Witt's End

I first want to apologize for bringing my sob story to the world wide web, but I have nothing better to do today other than surf the web looking for the most painless ways to end my pathetic life. Secondly, I want to share what I learned from some body who told me the secret to getting through the day is to stop thinking about the darkness and to focus on serving others; something I already know, but sometimes hearing it from another person's point of view makes it easier to digest and process in your mind.

I just keep seeing how this damn divorce is dragging on and on and how deep down inside I cannot bring myself to hate my soon to be ex-wife. I have driven down the darkest country road at midnight daring myself to pull into the path of a telephone pole, but something inside screams in my ear "NO!" I hate these mini anxiety attacks that hit me from out of the blue, but they usually subside very quickly which tells me there is hope. Maybe if I keep up the whole writing thing and share this agony with you, there might be a second chance in it for all the others who are walking the same path as I am.

Finally, as this beautiful Spring day continues to flood into this room and adds light to the darkness inhabiting my brain, I can see tomorrow looming in the distance inviting me or daring me to find a reason to keep on going in spite of it all. Well, I guess I can accept that for now and it sure beats reserching gun shows. I would never want to pass this darkness bug on to anyone else beacause it really is a nasty contagion, so I guess I'll give you the free version of the vaccine that helps keep the darkness at bay; they call it faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love. Christ spoke these words over two thousand years ago as he was plauged by visions of a horrible death on a cross. If that is not enough for a person to be encouraged to walk away from darkness, then I know of no greater way to finding happiness. Thank you for sharing my space today, you just may have saved a life. And so for today, this is not the end. God bless. -Witt

Worth The Weight?

I wonder tonight about a few things that may seem trivial to some, intriguing to others and a waste of time to those too caught up in their own little cocoon of a world to care. I wonder why the whole process of divorce has to push you to the point of hating someone you once loved intensely and whole heartedly. I cannot imagine how it solves anything to condemn a man when he is down and then torment him about money when he has nothing left but the clothes on his back and an automobile. I wonder if it is worth the weight on my mind to consider ending a life so full of promise, yet fraught with failure. God help me sort through this mess of a life; even as I contemplate a long drive home tonight screaming at an empty car seat  and imagining who might be there causing me to do so. It makes my life seem even more pathetic; yet faith says that things happen for a reason.

Is there really a plan for us or are we just random bits of coded DNA attached to an orb orbiting a sun that  happens to be precisely positioned to support life? Does the atheist care if all this randomness leads to theories that explain so diverse an array of life all evolving from a single cosmic event? And like that ultimate question that arises from a story of survival about a boy and a Bengal tiger: Which do you prefer, the pitiful account of humans behaving badly on the open sea, or that God lets us decide a few things and then presents a challenge for us to figure it all out on our own? The weight on my mind certainly makes me wonder if the wait for answers is really worth the time of day. Decide for yourself if any of this makes sense as I doubt any person will even read this blog.