Disregarded and Unresolved

I drove out to my favorite hiking place last evening about and hour or so before sunset. It is sparsely wooded and kept like you would expect a state or public park to be, and it serves as both an overflow area for flood waters and a sanctuary for water fowl and other wildlife. I often go there to observe the sunset or sunrise and just mingle with my thoughts on the day or a particular event or struggle going on in my life. Last evening was not particularly special other than I needed some time to walk and clear my head. My ulterior motive was that in about a week and a half I am going to spend a week at camp with my sons’ Boy Scout troop. Our camp site is one of the farthest away from the main administration building, dining hall and chapel so we’ll be trekking a few miles during the week. I started getting prepared for this some time ago so that I would be in shape to endure the daily trips back and forth. And as the sun dipped farther and farther towards the horizon, my footsteps quickened and my mind raced towards the summit of the best spot to catch the last rays of daylight. In those moments I felt a wave of thought going back many years and a feeling of disregard and unresolved inner tension took hold of me.



I never quite knew back in high school what I wanted to do or be, but I realized that I needed discipline in order to make it on my own. The military provided just the right combination of physical, mental and daily routine that I could use to discover where I was headed in life. I often have dreams of being back in the army and packing up for deployment somewhere. I think this is my subconscious longing for the days when there were far fewer concerns on my mind to think about than today. You might find it pretty amazing that I still have not found any particular profession or career to suit me and that is probably why I have hopped from job to job many times over the years since being discharged from the military. Scouting provides a uniform and a mission that I find enjoyable, but it cannot provide everything I need today.



There have been some major turning points in my life since those carefree days when I was a younger man, like getting married and becoming a father of two boys. I never really considered doing anything else in life that could possibly bring more joy or purpose; so herein lay my quandary. As I approach my fiftieth birthday and I am only working a part time job that is barely bringing in an income to support my family; where do I go from here? In recent months I have disregarded the old approach of taking on whatever job came along just for a paycheck only to have unresolved issues about career and a secure future hit me right in the face. This is where the purpose of my hike came in to play last evening.



Watching the sun sink lower and lower on the horizon provided some answers on a spiritual level that I find difficult to describe. I was only about three quarters through my hike when a fork in the path appeared up ahead. While I was sure that taking the left would take me back to where I started, the right was not so clear and I ran the risk of hitting a dead end. After weighing both choices carefully, I took the right fork which rose slightly at first and then turned towards the direction I wanted to go in the first place. The trail took a sharp left turn and I soon found myself on the path towards the summit of a hill where the sunset was almost complete. Pausing there for a moment, I took to one knee and prayed as I had learned as a child. Then, rising to my feet, the final moments of day glowed far off to the west as the crescent moon took its place as the dominant light in an endless deep blue sky. While this provided no clear answers to my query, I found peacefulness rarely experienced in the everyday hustle and bustle of the town below. I hope you can find such peace as well. Witt.

On What Ground am I?

The following is an entry that has been in my draft file for quite some time. Because it is summer and I am in a highly relective mood tonight; please accept this as a gift. Happy Father's Day!


Today, as I consider plans that have been made for this weekend; the thoughts and words of Ralph Waldo Emerson come to mind. “When a man lives with God, his voice shall be as sweet as the murmur of the brook and the rustle of the corn.” This phrase comes from Emerson’s essay on Self Reliance written around 1841. I cannot help but relate to this as it is late July and the fields of northwest Ohio are green with the stalks of growing corn and low rows of soy beans. The wheat harvest has been gathered in for the most part and the bailing of hay has commenced. There is an anticipation of things to come and the present moment gives way to the lonesome mourning dove perched outside my window. It is the day of my birth and for now the concerns of the world seem a million miles away.

The scripture readings for today concern the Ten Commandments from Exodus and Jesus’ parable of The Sower from Matthew’s gospel. I wonder now on what ground am I? As I lie in bed earlier this morning, the image of a muddy field flashed across my mind and how my life has been much like a long rut stretching out across to the farthest horizon. There are still dreams to fulfill, chores to perform and children to raise. There have been days of great personal challenge, triumph and joy, but there have been moments of much uncertainty, sorrow and pain as well. As I wade deep into the pages that reveal my life history, I am reminded that like some stick in the mud, I have moved little towards the man God has planted in me. In the end, will I be judged for what I have done or what I have failed to do, for words spoken in anger or in actions spent in pure sacrifice for another? My hope is ever in the Lord, but my flesh speaks another tale fraught with weakness for the wonder lust that exists in the world.

As I sped off early this morning to the local BMV to have my driver’s license renewed, I thought how quickly four years had passed and the futility of finding work this past year. At the same time I savored one last kiss and a cool breeze pouring in from outside the car window. I think God would be happy to know I have grown to appreciate these small things and that I have tried my best to maintain a sense of personal integrity, though moments of despair have clouded my sight at times. In any case, I sit here needing and wanting to share my thoughts with you as the day progresses and there are, as Frost wrote, “Miles to go before I sleep.” I think it is fair to say we all progress from waste land to fertile soil on any given day, but the God who loves us will always lead the way if we keep our sights set on our better selves; especially when the world begs us to turn and succumb to its will that can lead us astray. God bless. Witt

Trekking the Great "I Am"

I awoke to the sound of my cell phone at 5:47 am on Friday morning only to find no one there as I went to answer it. I did not recognize the number and did not bother to hit redial on my phone. I guessed that if it was important enough they would call back. That is how my day began, but not after one of the shortest nights of my life. It was one of those times in which I have wrestled inside with what I call “demons of the mind and soul.” Once fully awake and over the event, I set out to a special place to watch the sun rise and gain some perspective. Christ had his Garden of Gethsemane and I have found my own place to seek refuge; if only for a short time. I call it ‘spiritual trekking.”

Trekking is defined as someone who pursues a long and arduous journey, most often on foot. It typically refers to trekking through mountainous areas by foot so that one can revel in the marvelous scenery. In the Book of Exodus Moses climbs Mount Horeb to investigate a mysterious burning bush. Once there, he finds holy ground and receives a great commission from God to rescue the Hebrew people from slavery in Egypt. Though my special place is nowhere near Mount Horeb or the Middle East, it is a high place to trek, see the beauty of the countryside below and seek a different kind of perspective on life. Some people seek the sanctuary of a church, mosque or synagogue to find spiritual enlightenment or answers to the conflict of faith and the realities of life on earth. These are fine places for communal prayer and faith sharing, but sometimes a walk in the outdoors can provide the individual with the spiritual food not found behind closed doors.

I wrote a poem once titled “Forest Cathedral” in which I describe a scene along a stretch of river where I once considered doing some canoeing. What I found was an orphan cemetery from an old county home that no longer exists. I remember sitting down on a tree stump and imagining these orphan children playing and hoping for a family to come adopt them. Unfortunately, for various reasons, they died before their hopes were fulfilled. There were rocks and pennies left beside the grave markers as some form of respect or homage to the dreams of a childhood lost. Now I wonder how much more can come from trekking the great “I Am.”

In new age spirituality we find this concept of “I Am” as God living in and being a part of every human being. According to some like Wayne Dyer, we can say “I am God” and be perfectly justified in speaking as such. It is not so foreign a concept if we take a moment to realize that this is very true in a sense that we are mind, body and spirit just as God is one with Jesus his son and the Holy Spirit in which the original Disciples of Christ received at Pentecost. They traveled with Jesus on foot and learned the true meaning to the parables and stories in which their teacher used to convey his message of good news to the world. And so, Trekking the great “I Am” becomes my quest and new spiritual tool in which to find peace and meaning to life. Peace. Witt

Outside Action

 

Outside Action

I always try to incorporate the out of doors in my weekly blog. I hope you visit often and feel free to share your thoughts. Many thanks.

The God Within

The following is a journal entry from earlier today as I hiked the grounds of Lial Renewal Center located near Whitehouse, Ohio. It is a reflection on the inner dialogue that I often experience in prayer. As you can tell I like to try new ways in which to connect to the sacred.

Today is Dad’s Day for me, even though Father’s Day is not until next weekend. On this day, Saturday June 9, 2012, I have set out to find the God within. Being a father of two sons myself, I can relate to some of what God the Father must have experienced and that realization is why I call this day Dad’s Day. A little part of him, my dad, lives in me just as a portion of me lives in my sons. And just as I have vowed to be a husband, a part of me resides in my wife Joyce and her in me.

OK, if I can acknowledge these relationships in the real world, why then can I not apply this same principle to my relationship with God. No reason at all, right? So, instead of trying so hard to find God in the world or through prayer, all I really have to do is look inward and to see that God is inside as well as outside.

The external beauty of this place is a mere reflection and reminder of God’s creative power and imagination. The breeze through the leaves is a means to be audibly stimulated by the presence of the Holy Spirit. The sky is as blue as the eyes of a loving Savior that sometimes cloud with tears and wash away the fears in my mind. I become the hands that till the soil of productive relationships and good works.

And so, with these things in mind, I pray: “Heavenly Father, Prince of peace, Fire of my soul; thank you for the gift of senses and all that surrounds me as a reminder to look inward in order to reach outwards so that I can embrace you as my Father, brother and mentor in this precious short life here on earth." Amen

Monday Morning Quarterback

I've had my morning cup of motivation and I'm transitioning towards a position of mindful consideration.
– D. Wittler

(Unless someone can find another source and blow what I thought was an original expression.)



I am not normally in the habit of using sports analogies to express the weird and crazy ideas that surface in my brain, but this one seemed to fit quite nicely. It is so easy to analyze a situation that occurred in the past and try to “fix it” in the present time. Just like the fumble or miscue that caused our favorite team to lose the big game, we say to ourselves “I cannot believe he threw that pass when he should have handed off the ball.” We can second guess ourselves for doing one thing or experience the regret that resulted from the choices we have made and use that energy of foresight the next time.



The truth is, we are our own quarterback and we must make choices and decisions that will affect the future. If I am guilty of anything it is waiting too long to make the pass or hand off the ball and I get sacked in the back field. Again, I apologize for the analogy. The point is that I must be mindful of my weaknesses and trust that any decision I make is a good one as long as I do not hesitate and miss out on a greater opportunity to grow as a human being. God knows us better than anyone and is mindful not to interfere when our well being is on the line whether for our own good or for some other reason. We have the ability to pick ourselves up and get back in the game as long as we keep the big picture in mind. This does not always mean winning the game but perhaps we can gain some valuable insight into what our direction in life really is.



Sometimes we must fall in order to see the world from the ground up rather than thinking we need a higher vantage point in order to experience true victory. I believe from my own experience that playing hurt can serve two purposes; to teach us what not to do or to teach us how to land on our own two feet. All too often I have carried the hurt around and have used that feeling to keep me from going back out on the field and trying again. I can honestly say I am in that space right now with getting a new job, but I am trying new strategies to avoid the same old results of the past. I do not want to get hurt again, but I also realize that risk is all a part of the game. I trust that faith will keep me focused and that tomorrow will bring a whole new light to my situation. I pray that you will find peace and solace in the words of our Lord: “Do not be afraid, for I am with you always.” With that kind of encouragement, I can look forward to getting back out there and enjoying the game for the thrill of the hunt and to not be gun shy because I might get hurt in the process. Peace- Witt

Fathers and Sons

We have all heard the old question asked: “If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?” We could ask the same of our relationships with our fathers: “If we are far apart from each other because of physical or emotional distance, do we still hear the words or lessons that our fathers taught us when we were children?” In these modern times the often joked about comment: “He has Daddy issues” comes to mind.

My Dad grew up in a large family with ten brothers and sisters on a farm in Northwest Ohio. He had to quit school after his ninth grade year to help out on the farm and thus never graduated from high school. It was not uncommon in those days to do such a thing as it was during the Great Depression era as well as World War II. My Dad took it all in stride and did his best to support his family then and did so for me and my brothers and sisters later on down the road. He worked many long hours in a General Motors foundry inspecting automobile castings, sold cars, water softeners and even worked at a clay drainage tile mill when hard times caused him to be off his usual job. For this I am so grateful to my Dad for all the sacrifices he gave for his family and me. I too have experienced some of the hardships he went through in life, but I was fortunate to graduate from high school, serve in the military, get married and have two sons of my own. I believe these commonalities are what bind fathers and sons together.



Today, Dad and Mom live an hour away and my family and I seldom get around to a visit. You know what I mean; school events, work schedules, meetings and the lot can preoccupy our time and can take away from long held relationships. It takes real attention and effort to keep in touch and I admit I have not done a good job of this. But I wonder sometimes about how close I am with my Dad. I know I have “Daddy issues” that get in the way when the phone rings and Dad just wants to talk and I am not receptive because after so many years in a noisy foundry, Dad’s hearing is not the greatest so I have to repeat myself over and over and I sometimes hold a grudge because he and Mom have not come to visit the boys even though we visit on holidays and special events as we are able. I don’t want to let these things get in the way, but at the same time I let old wounds fester from when I was a kid and the “Daddy issues” haunt me and I shy away like the kid I was long ago. Like that old oak tree that falls in the woods, do I acknowledge its former strength and vitality and the cool shade that it once provided to those who once sat beneath its leafy limbs? Do I hear the gentle sounds of wind and bird song that once were propelled through the forest from its lofty heights, or do I choose to simply hear my own grievances and walk away untouched?



There are times when I do choose otherwise and I embrace the moment and my father’s broad shoulders. I take the time to sit and talk to my sons and impart a bit of life experience and “common sense” from my own past mistakes. One thing I know for sure; you cannot make them listen or follow in your footsteps, but you do have to love them, pray for them and acknowledge them as important in your life just as the multi-layered growth rings that make the mighty oak stand so tall and straight. With Father’s Day fast approaching, I owe my Dad a phone call and to just let him know I love him. Dad, I hear you even though I may not be in the same neck of the woods. God bless you!