I drove out to my favorite hiking place last evening about and hour or so before sunset. It is sparsely wooded and kept like you would expect a state or public park to be, and it serves as both an overflow area for flood waters and a sanctuary for water fowl and other wildlife. I often go there to observe the sunset or sunrise and just mingle with my thoughts on the day or a particular event or struggle going on in my life. Last evening was not particularly special other than I needed some time to walk and clear my head. My ulterior motive was that in about a week and a half I am going to spend a week at camp with my sons’ Boy Scout troop. Our camp site is one of the farthest away from the main administration building, dining hall and chapel so we’ll be trekking a few miles during the week. I started getting prepared for this some time ago so that I would be in shape to endure the daily trips back and forth. And as the sun dipped farther and farther towards the horizon, my footsteps quickened and my mind raced towards the summit of the best spot to catch the last rays of daylight. In those moments I felt a wave of thought going back many years and a feeling of disregard and unresolved inner tension took hold of me.
I never quite knew back in high school what I wanted to do or be, but I realized that I needed discipline in order to make it on my own. The military provided just the right combination of physical, mental and daily routine that I could use to discover where I was headed in life. I often have dreams of being back in the army and packing up for deployment somewhere. I think this is my subconscious longing for the days when there were far fewer concerns on my mind to think about than today. You might find it pretty amazing that I still have not found any particular profession or career to suit me and that is probably why I have hopped from job to job many times over the years since being discharged from the military. Scouting provides a uniform and a mission that I find enjoyable, but it cannot provide everything I need today.
There have been some major turning points in my life since those carefree days when I was a younger man, like getting married and becoming a father of two boys. I never really considered doing anything else in life that could possibly bring more joy or purpose; so herein lay my quandary. As I approach my fiftieth birthday and I am only working a part time job that is barely bringing in an income to support my family; where do I go from here? In recent months I have disregarded the old approach of taking on whatever job came along just for a paycheck only to have unresolved issues about career and a secure future hit me right in the face. This is where the purpose of my hike came in to play last evening.
Watching the sun sink lower and lower on the horizon provided some answers on a spiritual level that I find difficult to describe. I was only about three quarters through my hike when a fork in the path appeared up ahead. While I was sure that taking the left would take me back to where I started, the right was not so clear and I ran the risk of hitting a dead end. After weighing both choices carefully, I took the right fork which rose slightly at first and then turned towards the direction I wanted to go in the first place. The trail took a sharp left turn and I soon found myself on the path towards the summit of a hill where the sunset was almost complete. Pausing there for a moment, I took to one knee and prayed as I had learned as a child. Then, rising to my feet, the final moments of day glowed far off to the west as the crescent moon took its place as the dominant light in an endless deep blue sky. While this provided no clear answers to my query, I found peacefulness rarely experienced in the everyday hustle and bustle of the town below. I hope you can find such peace as well. Witt.
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