Fathers and Sons

We have all heard the old question asked: “If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?” We could ask the same of our relationships with our fathers: “If we are far apart from each other because of physical or emotional distance, do we still hear the words or lessons that our fathers taught us when we were children?” In these modern times the often joked about comment: “He has Daddy issues” comes to mind.

My Dad grew up in a large family with ten brothers and sisters on a farm in Northwest Ohio. He had to quit school after his ninth grade year to help out on the farm and thus never graduated from high school. It was not uncommon in those days to do such a thing as it was during the Great Depression era as well as World War II. My Dad took it all in stride and did his best to support his family then and did so for me and my brothers and sisters later on down the road. He worked many long hours in a General Motors foundry inspecting automobile castings, sold cars, water softeners and even worked at a clay drainage tile mill when hard times caused him to be off his usual job. For this I am so grateful to my Dad for all the sacrifices he gave for his family and me. I too have experienced some of the hardships he went through in life, but I was fortunate to graduate from high school, serve in the military, get married and have two sons of my own. I believe these commonalities are what bind fathers and sons together.



Today, Dad and Mom live an hour away and my family and I seldom get around to a visit. You know what I mean; school events, work schedules, meetings and the lot can preoccupy our time and can take away from long held relationships. It takes real attention and effort to keep in touch and I admit I have not done a good job of this. But I wonder sometimes about how close I am with my Dad. I know I have “Daddy issues” that get in the way when the phone rings and Dad just wants to talk and I am not receptive because after so many years in a noisy foundry, Dad’s hearing is not the greatest so I have to repeat myself over and over and I sometimes hold a grudge because he and Mom have not come to visit the boys even though we visit on holidays and special events as we are able. I don’t want to let these things get in the way, but at the same time I let old wounds fester from when I was a kid and the “Daddy issues” haunt me and I shy away like the kid I was long ago. Like that old oak tree that falls in the woods, do I acknowledge its former strength and vitality and the cool shade that it once provided to those who once sat beneath its leafy limbs? Do I hear the gentle sounds of wind and bird song that once were propelled through the forest from its lofty heights, or do I choose to simply hear my own grievances and walk away untouched?



There are times when I do choose otherwise and I embrace the moment and my father’s broad shoulders. I take the time to sit and talk to my sons and impart a bit of life experience and “common sense” from my own past mistakes. One thing I know for sure; you cannot make them listen or follow in your footsteps, but you do have to love them, pray for them and acknowledge them as important in your life just as the multi-layered growth rings that make the mighty oak stand so tall and straight. With Father’s Day fast approaching, I owe my Dad a phone call and to just let him know I love him. Dad, I hear you even though I may not be in the same neck of the woods. God bless you!