Packing

Have you ever felt like it was time to pack it in; that all of your efforts, emotional, physical and spiritual have all been in vain? Well, that is exactly the way I feel today. It is like I have been misunderstood for so long that I have started to question my own mission and purpose in life. It is to the point where prayer, counseling or sharing a few feelings with a trusted friend does not cut it anymore. I am like a deaf, dumb and blind man groping in the dark to find meaning in a game of pin ball. The words, actions and deeds of a lifetime just seem to bounce around each other, finally ending up in the gutter down below the glitter of lights and ringing of bells. I find myself alone this morning longing for one last chance to make things right. What else do I stand to lose?

Words can only describe so much, right? Well, I find great comfort in sitting quietly behind this keyboard clicking out a few thoughts that do not come out right as I try to speak them. “Tongue tied’ might be the correct analogy, but somehow the act of combining silent thought with physical effort brings out the essence of my day to day life. One might say that writing is my lifeline or life preserver. The ship may be going down, but the will to survive is the source of buoyancy that keeps hope afloat.

I hope that someone reads this entry today and finds comfort in knowing that they are not alone and that there is another soul out there that just might understand them. All the plaques or diplomas on the wall cannot give true meaning or purpose in life if there is no acknowledgement behind the effort that it took to achieve them. You could say that I am at this very crossroads today bargaining with the devil to please make it all go away for a chance to start all over. I know this is not possible so pounding out a few random ideas seems to fit the bill for my troubled soul. As long as there is hope in the world there will be a way to make it through one more day within the maelstrom. God be with all those who struggle with the real storm raging along the coastline of our country and for those raging against their own inner storm.