Thursday, July 19, 2018

The Break

The Break

Six years ago today the world began to change. I never knew that turning fifty would be so traumatic, but it was. She told me so many times before it felt like two strangers living in the same space, but I wasn't listening.  Another job had come, and gone, another year of struggling to make ends meet, yet my heart was still wandering without direction. Then came a defining moment to make me realize I wasn't invincible any more.
Funny how your body tells you so when a bone gets broken, like an arm on a trail in the middle of nowhere. You feel so vulnerable at the mercy of time, and circumstance. Oh, but the break to come was so much more painful. I would have preferred the path to a blissful ending where no one gets hurt, but what I got was a gut wrenching reality check that sent me reeling into a pit of self pity looking up from the bottom with two choices to either live, or die. Well, I'm still here so it must mean karma is real, or God has a plan for every shattered dream, every romance gone sour. It must mean we return to fix the relationships we leave behind, or die living a lie that we tell ourselves will go away if we ignore them long enough.
But I couldn't live the lie any more, and so the breaking of two hearts began another journey backwards in time instead of moving forward. Funny how the break is sometimes what we need to heal our wounded souls. It remains a paradox in time until another moment comes along to tell us we can still live a dream if only we will it so, and God finally tells us he's listening through the voice of another human being. And all we need to do is listen once again instead of beating a drum inside our head that says we're not good enough. You are, I am so let us give life another go around, not like a merry-go-round where nothing changes as we spin, but everything emerges new again in light of love, and second chances.
Amen
D.A. Wittler 7/18/18

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