A Good Day

I dedicate this latest poem to my mom who lost a close friend, companion and pet over the weekend. I also dedicate my life to living day by day in the hopes of accepting the grieving process and moving on through divorce.

A Good Day



It was a good day,
a cold windy day,
but a work day.

It was a challenge day,
a flat tire on the car day,
a day in which bad news
about a sick pet
brings a tear to your eye,
but many fond memories to mind.

It was an opportunity day,
a phone call to a son day
and a day to thank God
for one more chance to get it right
even when others
won't give you that chance.

Yes, it was a good day,
to laugh,
to cry
and know that someone loves you
just the way you are,
today.

                          D.Wittler- 13

Thorn Bottom Lake

I want to thank a fellow scouter friend of mine for posting a picture and comment on a certain social networking web site about the recent flooding in our area of Northwest Ohio. Thanks Verl Dasher for sharing Brad Dysinger's post. Here goes, a work in progress...previously titled: A View of Thorn Bottom.

I read your post only moments ago

and took in a view of Thorn Bottom,

Where thaw took hold of winter only yesterday;

causing me to long for Spring.


But alas, days have only begun to stretch

beyond a solstice strain

where flurries return in short measure,

to invigorate warm fingers with pain.


Flood water invades plain

Where field number 2 once was

and thus there is no trace, no lane

to take me there again.


To church where we gather

There is no bridge of hope

no rails contain

are covered now from rain.


And I thought to myself

from memory of travel

How countryside far and wide

was so rudely affected.


These Northwest Ohio winters

How they have changed

From blizzard of “78”

To these el Niño’s I hate.


Now laughing as I gaze

upon a memory of sight

of fields overlooking lakes

and geese on ice skates.

                                     D.A. Wittler 1/14/13

Verum Vulnero “The Truth Hurts”

“What is truth?” Pontius Pilate asked Jesus this question before washing his hands and ordering Jesus’ crucifixion. I have often pondered this piece of scripture, especially during the Lenten season because the outcome had far more reaching consequences than any human mind could have fathomed at the time. If there is any sense to be made of this then we must look upon our own lives’ for answers. Each of us derives meaning from several sources including formal education, personal experience and from what we glean from our own spiritual pursuits; but what of truth?

We have all been reminded by parents, teachers, coaches and friends that “the truth hurts.” Whether it comes in the form of a life lesson derived from a particular relationship or through mistakes we have made and must make amends or accept as irreversible; life is filled with these difficult to fathom truths. In my own life this could be no less explained than from the fact that my wife of nineteen years is divorcing me. While I am becoming more and more accepting of the idea, the fact remains that there are far more dire circumstances at stake than simply the ending of a marriage. With two teenage sons to consider, I am torn by the fact that they must deal with the pain that has resulted from largely my own failings and imperfections as a mortal man. And so we must look at the uncertainties of truth as well as the absolute.

I have been accused according to a legal term of: “gross neglect of duty” in my marriage, a charge that is highly suspect and lends itself to some kind of explanation. The truth part comes into play as the question of intent, which by law in my state does not need to be proven. The truth is that I lost faith in myself, the system and the God in which I grew up with and learned to turn to in time of need. On the other hand, I neglected to meet the needs of my spouse and to our marital vows; that is how I have come to understand the charges as they have been explained to me.  And because I failed to make amends or “change”, the marriage is deemed irreconcilable. If that is not an example of the hurt of truth, then perhaps a little further digging is required.  

I never intended to neglect my wife nor cause her any emotional harm because of what has been assumed as selfishness on my part. The truth is I fed on guilt, shame and the unworthiness I felt at having failed to provide for my family in a manner up to a standard largely undefined. I never sought to file for a dissolution, divorce or decree ending the marriage, and I certainly never intended to purposely divide our family by such means. The real hurt comes as I somehow still believe in my heart that miracles can and do happen. What I cannot accept is that my other half is somehow unwilling to examine our marital vows as pertaining to her in any of the grossly intentional actions she has committed towards the marriage and our family. That my friends is for the court and God to judge which is precisely my point: “verum vulnero.” The truth really does hurt.

Going Down this Lonely Road

Well, it’s midnight again,

and this lonely road stretches out before me

like a velvet carpet to nowhere;

as the fog in my eyes gets in the way

and I don’t know where I’m going.


Twenty years gone by now,

and a lifetime of memories

flows down my face in a violent rage

like a thunderstorm, washing away

a tender moment with you.


Oh, life just got in the way

and kept me from seeing who you really are,

So now I must pay.

God knows I never meant to hurt you,

But that does not seem to matter anymore,

As the distant flash of red lights

points the way towards home,

and I’m still going down this lonely road without you.


Oh, fear has gotten the best of me,

Though I pray for God’s grace to comfort me,

and a distant voice keeps calling:

“Son, keep going, I’ve never left your side;

simply believe and I shall appear,

like a rainbow in the morn.”

But the fact remains,

I’m still traveling down this lonely road without you,

and the tolling of the hour tells me it’s four a.m..


God help me, I hear children laughing in my dreams;

singing silly songs while my heart is torn apart,

as the darkness still stretches out before me

and Christmas eve is one more obstacle to face

along this lonely road.


Oh, sweetheart I am tempted

to share my words with you,

but it seems you never understood them before,

so why should I believe you’ll grasp them now?

Only faith and a lonely road ahead keep me going,

as the distant light of time lifts me towards heaven,

where tears turn in to streets of gold,

and I’ll never have to wipe them away anymore.


…And that velvet carpet leads to an open window

as I close another door in my life.

God love you, I miss you, good night.

For Better or Worse

You know the old cliché: “This is the first day of the rest of your life.” Well, a morning in court will bring a lot of things to the surface, especially when it comes to a long relationship that ends with so much emotional energy tied to it. I hate to call it baggage, but we carry so much around inside of ourselves from the time we are born to the present day that it is inevitable that snags and snares come along to test our mettle and push us reluctantly in a new direction. Today is definitely one of those life changing days.

I paraphrase a song from church:

“Come back to me, with all your heart; don’t let the past, keep us apart. Long have I waited for your coming back to live joyfully our new life.”

I don’t know why these lyrics came to me, but for some reason they say so much about the relationships we have with each other and with our creator god. Yes, there are tumultuous times that come along like a storm or natural disaster, but in the aftermath we find hope in the things that make us who we are; faith, family and friends. I embrace these anchors of strength today as I turn forward away from the wind and rain of the maelstrom and embrace the love of creation that surrounds me. I look to the wooded path and the glass-like calm of a silent lake in solitude and in hope for better days ahead. I put away the anger and frustration of misunderstanding and the hurt that resulted from its insidious nature. I pray for peace of mind and the energy to rebuild something new from out of the ashes. The flood waters have receded and the dawn breaks with sunlight to guide to a new horizon of opportunity.

I once felt so apart from the world that it made me blind to the views of others, especially to the one who stole my heart and made me whole, but now I must let go of this and be like the reed which bends to the will of the wind. As Reinhold Niebuhr so eloquently states in his well known prayer; “God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change what I can and wisdom to know the difference.” I hope that today finds you well fed, well loved and full of the many blessings that our creator so wants for each of us to possess in life. For better or worse, let tomorrow be brighter than today and may God bless you with abundance of joy. Amen. Witt

                                           Photo: Cindy Aquino

Packing

Have you ever felt like it was time to pack it in; that all of your efforts, emotional, physical and spiritual have all been in vain? Well, that is exactly the way I feel today. It is like I have been misunderstood for so long that I have started to question my own mission and purpose in life. It is to the point where prayer, counseling or sharing a few feelings with a trusted friend does not cut it anymore. I am like a deaf, dumb and blind man groping in the dark to find meaning in a game of pin ball. The words, actions and deeds of a lifetime just seem to bounce around each other, finally ending up in the gutter down below the glitter of lights and ringing of bells. I find myself alone this morning longing for one last chance to make things right. What else do I stand to lose?

Words can only describe so much, right? Well, I find great comfort in sitting quietly behind this keyboard clicking out a few thoughts that do not come out right as I try to speak them. “Tongue tied’ might be the correct analogy, but somehow the act of combining silent thought with physical effort brings out the essence of my day to day life. One might say that writing is my lifeline or life preserver. The ship may be going down, but the will to survive is the source of buoyancy that keeps hope afloat.

I hope that someone reads this entry today and finds comfort in knowing that they are not alone and that there is another soul out there that just might understand them. All the plaques or diplomas on the wall cannot give true meaning or purpose in life if there is no acknowledgement behind the effort that it took to achieve them. You could say that I am at this very crossroads today bargaining with the devil to please make it all go away for a chance to start all over. I know this is not possible so pounding out a few random ideas seems to fit the bill for my troubled soul. As long as there is hope in the world there will be a way to make it through one more day within the maelstrom. God be with all those who struggle with the real storm raging along the coastline of our country and for those raging against their own inner storm.

Festering Wounds

I remember as a kid the many times when I went out to play and skinned a knee or elbow and ran home to have my mom make it better. Back then we spent long summer days riding our bicycles, exploring creek beds, fishing and swimming at the local lake or pool. It never failed then that we were prone to getting hurt once in a while as life is an adventure fraught with unforeseen perils. As a Boy Scout we were taught to ‘Be Prepared” for anything by first being aware that anything can happen. Mom knew this by instinct and always kept a plentiful supply of bandages and a bottle of mercurochrome handy just in case. The worst part was having the wound scrubbed out with soap and water while it was explained that if it got infected we could be in for a whole lot more like lock jaw or tetanus. Just the sound of them seemed to make the cleansing procedure a little easier to endure. Relationships can resemble in a similar way the idea of festering wounds, especially when our feelings get hurt, egos bruised or we do not get our need for love and understanding met by those closest to us.

In the dark recesses of our memories, we can all point out a time when someone hurt us with harsh words, an unkind gesture or made us the punch line of a joke. As we go along in life, those typical realities can become far more subtle as they are more likely to occur behind closed doors in the form of rumors or innuendo. False friends can become secret enemies as well as poor habits become a source of pain for the ones we love most. Neglecting a relationship founded on trust and bound by vows can be the most insidious form of festering wounds we can ever experience. The most difficult part can be simply realizing that we have hurt someone, albeit unintentional and then taking the steps necessary to start the healing process. Even though things appear alright on the outside, a closer look reveals the redness that surrounds the scabbed over wound and a gentle touch emits the unhealthy warmth of infection as the fight to remove the unwanted pathogen rages inside the body. Our hearts and minds can be just as vulnerable as our skin when it comes to being hurt emotionally. The most effective way to deal with these situations is to get them out into the open and allow the healing power of sincerity to scrub out the infection of guilt and pain. As they say, sometimes leaving the wound open to the air is the best way to promote healing as opposed to placing a bandage over it right away.

For me, recent events have taught these very lessons. Though painful to accept, I must take responsibility for the harm I have caused and the hidden wounds that have gone untreated. While I cannot heal a scar, I can be a force of healing for the existing hurts that have been scabbed over in more recent times. I have also found that regret can be a motivating factor rather than a point of contention used to block the healing process. As the saying goes; “You cannot un-ring a bell,” but you can silence the echo with effort, compassion and love. My hope is that more people will discover this incredible power of healing that they possess by just being human beings willing to face the reality of festering wounds. Why let them go when all it takes is love. It is the greatest gift from God that when freely given can change the world.